Dating Over 40
If you’re dating over 40, you come to the dating scene with a lot of experience from your past loves and relationships. Sometimes that experience can work in your favor—you know what you want and are better at identifying when things are and aren’t working. Other times, however, your experience can work against you. The following online dating sites can help singles in their 40s get into the dating scene. Because Match is more of a serious dating site, it’s a great choice for over-40 singles who want a relationship. In fact, Match has facilitated more relationships than any of its competitors. Dating for singles over 40, dating rules for women over 40, best dating sites for over 40, best dating apps over 40, free over 40 dating websites, free over 40 dating service, over 40 dating sites, dating at 40 Mind Maps map also monitor against bicycles, which suffers undue hardship. 4.9 stars - 1010 reviews. Men don't seem to have it so well either, with men over the age of 40 having only a 12% chance of marrying. So, exactly how do you even find someone to date after you're 40? Even though the dating scene has changed since your 20's, it's time to grab a chair and see if any of these ideas serves as a lightning rod for you.
You meet this great guy who seems very interested in you. He connects with you often via email and text. He calls you once a week and you see him one to three times a week – with him it tends to vary. Your time together is fun, he “gets” you and you can see falling for this guy.
The big question is, is he seeing anyone else? Exclusivity comes into your mind. So, how do you find out if he is seeing other women?
As your dating coach, I want to speak plainly with you. I’m just going to come right out and tell you exactly what you need to hear. Expect that he is seeing other women.
Now it’s true, some men might not be seeing others. I’ve heard of guys who just want to focus on one woman to see if she’s a good fit before moving on to the next. He’s a rare guy. This strategy is called “Serial Dating,” when you get into relationships quickly that aren’t right, because you rush exclusivity. I don’t recommend this.
Serial Dating is not efficient because it takes time to gather data on a guy to make sure he is the right one. Is he worth taking yourself off the market and closing out your options? Does he treat you right and consistent in his attention? You cannot determine compatibility without spending considerable time with a man. That’s the only way to get to know him.
With Serial Dating, you are in and out of exclusive relationships frequently which can take its toll on your willingness to keep going. It brings more heartache and drama to your love life.
On the other hand, Rori Rae recommends Circular Dating. This strategy has you remain open to all options until a man asks you to be exclusive and you agree. On the other hand, if the man you’re seeing doesn’t ask you, Rori suggests you tell him you’ll continue to date others or start up again if you have lapsed.
When you choose to work with me as your dating coach, I recommend “Volume Dating”, dating several men simultaneously until they naturally fall away, you weed them out, or they meet your needs and are consistent enough to remain in the running. This just makes sense rather than getting your heart attached to a man prematurely, before you know he has Mr. Right potential.
However, once your heart is set on a guy, it will be too difficult to start dating other men. Why bother if you can’t seriously consider the new men you meet? That’s where Rori and I part company and why I agree with Evan Mack Katz . He recommends walking away from a guy who doesn’t want to be exclusive, rather than pressuring him into it. Most of the time, Evan’s advice and mine jive and I feel he is right on the money.
Ultimately, I think it comes down to your age. In your 20’s, you have to give guys more time to commit to exclusivity. At 30 something, you start to feel the bio clock ticking, so commitment becomes more important. And, in your 40’s, if men are scared off by the idea of commitment – I say “Good riddance!” Thanks for opting out and making your choice easier.
So, if you are in your 40’s and in search of a long-term relationship (any maybe marriage), then date lots of men casually until the prospects shake out and you can select one guy. In 3 months, if your guy hasn’t brought up exclusivity, bring it up yourself.
Here’s how. The best way to bring up a tough topic is when you are on a walk or sitting in the car. Being side by side is less confronting for men because they don’t’ have to look you in the eye. Then ask him with one of these questions:
1) Do you think it’s time to hide our profiles? I still have men contacting me.
Dating Over 40 Sites
2) How do you feel about exclusivity?
3) This is awkward, but the other day a guy asked for my number and I wasn’t sure if I should give it to him or not. So I thought I’d ask you.
Then be quiet. Do not say another word. Let him say something, anything before you start talking again.
As you can see, these are not direct questions about exclusivity. You aren’t saying, “I think we should be exclusive – what do you think?” These questions have been crafted to give your man the ability to have exclusivity seem like his idea. The sentence structure and message are less confrontational.
Still, men might squirm. Expect this. You are not striking up an easy conversation. But it is needed. Be brave and go for it. Keep in mind, exclusivity doesn’t mean you’ll get married. But at least you’ll be focusing on each other to see what may come of it.
I also suggest giving your guy time to come around. He might not immediately embrace exclusivity. Give him up to one month to see what happens. If he can’t commit to exclusivity by then, he is not the right man for you. He has demonstrated that he’s not relationship ready and that disqualifies him from Mr. Right status. You might as well find out before you invest six months or more. That’s when you’ll have to walk away so you can look for a man who is ready.
If you have any questions about getting to exclusivity, feel free to give me a call.203-877-3777. This week I’m offering 15 minute sessions for just $37. That’s affordable for anyone!
Photo Credit: Oberazzi
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Dating Over 40 Reddit
After being out of the dating game for 15 years, I found myself single at 45. Once I got over the shock and awe of being back in the dating pool, I talked to friends about what it was like to date online.
Oh, the stories I heard.
A few people had beautiful anecdotes to share about finding their soulmate online. My twin sister ended up marrying the first man she went on a date with and they are so blindingly happy that sometimes it hurts to look at them.
More often, though, there were tales of extraordinarily dehumanizing behavior that were heartbreaking to hear. One of my friends found who she thought was her perfect man, only to discover six months later that he lied about his name and age, and was married to a woman who was about to have his child.
Another friend told me half of the men she chatted with would eventually ask her to send them naked photos or Skype in the nude.
This was a little disheartening to hear.
The really interesting thing about all of these narratives is they came from people who consider themselves to be conscious singles. Many of them used niche dating sites for people who are green, spiritual, or want to experience relationships on a deeper level.
It was a bit of a shocker to me that there would be such an abundance of bad behavior on these types of dating sites. My friends unanimously chalked it up to one thing: all the good ones our age are already taken.
I decided to take the plunge anyway and—three years later—I completely disagree with them. The majority of my experiences with online dating have been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve only had a handful of negative experiences and, in all honestly, I kind of saw them coming but chose to ignore the warning signs.
My reasons for ignoring those signs were generally superficial. In one situation I thought to myself, “Well, this guy may be a little crazy, but he is a dead ringer for John Cusack.” Big error in judgment on my part.
I’ve met some really fantastic men, and I feel blessed to have made a few long term friends out of it. I haven’t found “The One” yet, but in all honesty, I haven’t been looking very hard.
So why have so many of my friends had such a different experience than I have? We are all over 40, relatively attractive, and honest in our profiles. What’s going on here?
I think we attract our expectations.
When I decided to date online, I did so with intention. I didn’t go into it looking for any specific “type,” but I did have a clear cut idea of what I wanted. I intended to attract men who were kind, interesting, genuinely liked and respected women, and were honest. That’s all I asked for—and that’s what I got.
I also decided not to buy into the myths and stereotypes about dating over 40, and I’m grateful I did. My experience debunked quite a few of them.
Here are a few beliefs that might be keeping you from a good online dating experience.
All the good ones my age are taken.
I’ve heard this from both men and women. There’s a stereotype that women are jaded, bitter, and angry at our age, and that men only want one thing. Both generalizations are untrue.
There are over 20 million men and women in the U.S. who date online. Please don’t tell me that there aren’t any good ones out there. I’ve met quite a few of them locally. There are plenty of beautiful people out there looking for love.
This is simply perception. If you assume this is what you are going to get, it’s exactly what you are going to get. What you focus on is what you receive. If you meet someone who just got divorced and is only looking for a good time, don’t get upset or offended. Wish him luck, send him on his way, and keep a clear intention that you’re looking for something else.
The dating pool is thin after 40.
Guess what, folks? According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 50% of the population over 40 is single with 49% female and 51% male. It’s less likely that the dating pool is thin due to a lack of single people, and more likely that people stop dating because of the discouraging (albeit false) statistics that there’s no one to date.
My list of “must haves” is non-negotiable. Anything less is settling.
When discussing this with my friends, their “must have” lists have quite a few superficial qualities on them. They require their dates have certain body types, incomes, hair colors and lengths, and careers.
The friend who keeps finding men who want naked pictures of her is the biggest culprit with this. At least half of the qualities that are important to her are physical. When I pointed this out, she was a bit surprised that she’d put so much focus on the external. No wonder she keeps attracting men who are the same way!
My best relationship was with someone who wasn’t even close to my “type.” My worst? Someone who was exactly what I thought I was looking for.
Instead, hold the intention that the Universe bring people into your life who will support your growth and happiness, and that they show up for the best and highest good. Isn’t that really all you need?
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